Be still: How a Christian retreat and digital detox helped me connect with God as I cared for my dying dad
Be still: How a Christian retreat and digital detox helped Tamra S. Schmitt gain the strength she didn’t know she needed. Tamra’s willingness to confront the silence on a hermitage retreat allowed God to refresh and restore her what was to come as she said goodbye to her father. You can read faith stories like Tamra’s—or learn how to write your own — in the book, “Faith Storytellers: Unleash the Power of Your Story.”
Tamra S. Schmitt was one of the caregivers for her father during the last months of his life. Feeling stressed and overwhelmed, she accepted her friend’s suggestion and “be still” with God — including unplugging with a digital detox — at Pacem in Terris Hermitage Retreat Center, a Christian retreat center in Minnesota.
By Tamra S. Schmitt
For months, I felt an overwhelming sense of exhaustion that seemed to penetrate my very being — physically, emotionally, and spiritually. My mind raced nonstop, on high alert, anticipating medical news about my father.
For close to a year, I had been helping to care for my dad. During that time, Dad had experienced bouts of extreme muscle weakness, restlessness, and behavioral changes.
He had been life-flighted to the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota, hospitalized in multiple medical facilities, and on life support more than once. Overnight, my dad left 80 years of farm life, never to return. In time, Dad would be diagnosed with brain cancer.
I worried about my dad’s quality of care at a local, understaffed nursing facility. And the fear of losing my father loomed over me.
I couldn’t sleep, and what sleep I got was far from restful.
Seeing my stress, a friend invited me to spend time as a hermit, what they call a guest, at the Pacem in Terris Hermitage Retreat Center in Minnesota.
She described the center as a simple and solitary, self-directed retreat. Individual hermitage prayer cabins were nestled in a peaceful, wooded setting, allowing time for guests to slow down and seek the presence of God.
The Christian retreat center sounded peaceful: Individual prayer cabins nestled in a peaceful, wooded setting. I would leave the stress of my daily life 200 miles away and fully unplug with a digital detox — no technology and no electricity — to focus on God.
Her invitation both frightened and excited me. By nature, I’m more of a “do-er” than a “be-er.” I find it hard to be still. I wasn’t sure if I could sit in silence for two days. Being by myself felt vulnerable.
It was far outside my comfort zone, yet my strong desire to escape the role of caregiver, even for just a couple of days, outweighed my uncertainties.
“Two days alone, just God and me,” I thought. “Could time alone with God be what I need to feel peace amid turmoil and trouble — peace that transcends the trials of my life?”
With my parents’ encouragement and the support of my siblings, I abandoned my need to know and control. By faith, I said yes with an open heart and booked my retreat.
“He says, ‘Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.’”
A view from the Pacem in Terris Hermitage Retreat Center in Isanti, Minnesota. The Christian retreat center invites guests to leave their daily stress behind, unplug with a digital detox, and embrace God’s call to “be still” with God.
A Christian retreat center, a digital detox, and my journal
A week later, I arrived at the hermitage center and settled into my prayer cabin. I sat in an ample rocking chair and gazed out a sunlit picture window into the Minnesota woods.
Before my eyes, mid-May was bursting forth with new life. The trees were lush, having shed their brown, lifeless leaves for shades of green — the breathtaking beauty of creation on full display.
I then asked God one simple, heartfelt question: “Now what?”
The still, small voice within my spirit whispered: “You can read if you want, but you don’t have to. You can walk if you want, but you don’t have to. You can rest if you want, but you don’t have to.
“Be and receive the gift of my love. Quit striving. Quit performing. Quit doing and doubting. My love for you is enough for this day and all days.”
So began my two-day journey.
A yellow songbird serenaded me on the boardwalk, and a beautiful bouquet of bright yellow wildflowers decorated the lakeside. I watched the sunrise and felt its warmth tickle my skin as the sun emerged from behind the tree line. The visual vibration of the sun captivated me.
“This is how my heart beats for you,” I sensed God say.
I walked the center’s trails, which weaved through woods and marshland, through prairie and to a large wooden cross.
My shoulders started to relax, my breath deepened. I felt God pursue me with passion and intent. I felt myself draw closer to him as the hours passed, his gentle love and restoration seeping through the trees and reflecting through his waters.
Then I knew, with a certainty I hadn’t felt before: God’s love was not just for me, but for everyone who sought it.
I felt a sense of hope and an awareness of my purpose to just be. I was to be and allow God to minister to me. God didn’t need me to do anything directly. His love is undeserving and unconditional. The power within that love, though, flows best from a surrendered soul.
As I returned to my cabin, I sensed God had more to share with me. With a lightweight blanket across my bare legs and a gentle breeze entering through the attached porch door, I settled back into the oversized rocking chair. I sat silently, and God spoke to my heart. I opened my journal and the words — God’s words — flowed through my pen:
“I love your dad more than you ever will; he belongs to me. When you surrender your dad to my care, you are giving him the very best you can ever give to him. Love him completely by letting me have my way with him, just as I’ve had my way with you.”
I continued to write the words God shared with me:
“I have set you apart to rest, heal, and feel my presence — to feel my love. Just be.
“When your time here at Pacem is over, I will be glorified when you confess there was nothing you did! You merely showed up and said yes to time alone with me.”
God asked me to let go of my dad, to relinquish him to our heavenly father. My body felt fully surrendered with this release of control. The realization that God was ultimately responsible for my dad’s well-being lifted a burden that I no longer needed or wanted to bear.
For the first time, I felt a true sense of freedom.
“Be still and know that I am God.” Tamra S. Schmitt reflected on that verse during her time at a Christian retreat center in Minnesota. She’s pictured here with her father before he passed. Tamra was one of her dad’s caregivers.
Be still: How time with God strengthened me for what was ahead
On my drive home from the retreat center, I watched the northern woods shift to farmland as the car headed south. Despite the challenges ahead, I was ready to return home to Iowa and my family. My body felt stronger, my mind clearer, and my hope in God restored.
My dad lived for another 15 months —15 months added to the already 9 months longer than the doctors anticipated. Against all odds, Dad had fearlessly fought back for 9 months prior due to the life-threatening effects of sepsis. In that time, I became my dad’s unwavering advocate and cheerleader.
I entered my dad’s nursing facility room one day and asked, “Hi, Dad! What’s new?”
With a twinkle in his eye, he nodded towards a large portrait of Jesus and replied, “Just talking to my buddy, Jesus.”
During these final months together, I sensed my dad softening and a shifting of his heart moving nearer to God. He always believed in Jesus, but for the first time, I sensed my father’s faith while in his presence.
He seemed at peace with God’s plan for him, a growing acceptance of leaving us temporarily to join Jesus eternally.
God prepared me for the last year with my father by showing me how to “be still,” as it says in Psalm 46:10, and to know God is God.
In the silence, solitude, and simplicity of walking and staying in the woods, God broke through my weary soul and wrapped me in his all-encompassing, all-powerful peace.
Tamra S. Schmitt, a three-time cancer “thriver,” founded Whispers from Heaven Ministries. Through her ministry, she writes and speaks to draw others into intimacy with God, one heart at a time. Her daily prayer — “I can’t, but Jesus can!” — reflects her unwavering faith journey. Tamra and her ministry team share hope through inspiration and faith-based bookmarks she creates and distributes with her team in their free time. Tamra currently serves on the board at Pacem in Terris Hermitage Retreat Center in Isanti, Minnesota. Tamra resides in Hampton, Iowa, and her greatest blessings are those who call her Aunt Tamra, Aunt Tami, or Aunt MeMe. Connect with Tamra on Facebook, Instagram, or SubStack.
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